


Like Real People Do

by ash35552



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, College, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pastel Dan Howell, Pastel Dan and Punk Phil, Plant!Boy Phil, Punk Phil Lester, Song Lyrics, Space!Boy Dan, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-09 10:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13479792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ash35552/pseuds/ash35552
Summary: Phil is failing his college course, so the teacher asks Dan Howell to be his tutor. Phil quickly realises this pure, pastel boy isn't as clean as he seems, and suddenly both of the boys' pasts are out to get them. Can they withstand the test of a lifetime, or will they crumble and fall, like real people do?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my proper fic on ao3 so forgive me if I'm rusty. I'll try to update every three days or so but if I've forgotten or something you've my permission to yell abuse in the comments. Shout out to my friend for giving me pastel ish song reqs.

"And that, my dear students, is why you should never give 10 year old boys a cake for a bake sale" 

Dan groaned. Mr. Greene had gone off on a tangent again, this time telling his class of sleep deprived college students of the pranks he played as a child. Dan had no idea what this had to to with Astronomy but if it meant he didn't have to go cross-eyed trying to remember what the 10 closest stars to Earth, he wasn't going to complain. 

"Alright students, don't forget to study for your Summer Exams, and I will see you all next week." Mr. Greene returned to his desk and began sorting through exam papers.

Dan stood up and packed his books into his blue bag. Dan was a huge space nerd, so his family weren't suprised when he said he wanted to take Geology with Planetary Science in Manchester Uni. He pushed his chair in and was about to walk out whwn the teacher called his name. 

"Phil Lester and eh.. Daniel Howell, please come up to my desk. I'd like to speak to the two of you."

 _Oh shit._ Dan felt his stomach drop to his ass. A bit like the feeling you get when you think you've left your baby on the bus, or when you're halfway into the city and can't remember if you locked your door or not.

He slowly walked over to his professor's desk, his hands fiddling with the cuffs of his soft pink jumper.

"Sir? You wanted to talk to me?" He squeaked. 

"Ah yes, Daniel." His professor replied, without taking one glance off his papers. "I want you to tutor Philip here. He is failing this class and I thought it best he is helped by my star student." 

Dan looked to his left and saw a boy, almost as tall as him, chewing a red pen. He looked absolutely terrifying. He was dressed up in a black, leather jacket with four pins on the lapel and as Dan looked closer he realised they were all magpies. He had black jeans on, which were almost ripped to shreds and worn out burgundy Doc Martens.  Underneath his jacket his had a purple top that read ' **T** **he Queers'** in blue letters. Dan guessed they were a band of some sort. 

Dan smiled meekly at the scary punk, who waved back at him, grinning. " _Scary guys don't wave at smile at you, right?"_ Dan thought. " _They yell at you and call you names, so he must be okay_." 

"Hey, I'm Phil" They scary punk was starting to seem less intimidating. 

"Daniel..Howell. You..you can call me Dan." He replied, relieved he wasn't in any trouble.  

His professor spoke again. "Daniel, you will help Phillip study for his Summer Exams. Should he pass, you will both get marked up an extra 20 points, and hopefully make a friend in the process.  If I don't see any progress in his mid terms and and course tests, i will mark you both down a grade. Are we clear?" Giving neither or the boys any time to answer, he continued. "Good, now i suggest you two get to know eatch other. Have a good weekend." He waved the boys off and continued to mark papers. 

They walked out of the classroom in silence, until Phil spoke.

"Well, I guess we're going to be spending alot of time together. Do you like ice cream? There's a good place about 10 minutes from campus. May as well start with the basics." 

Dan smiled, relaxing a bit. " Sounds great." 

 

  *             *              *                *             *            *

 

The boys sat down at a booth in the ice-cream shop. Dan picked at his strawberry ice-cream, poking the frozen fruit with his plastic spoon, trying to avoid eye contact with the boy across from him. 

Eventually, Phil spoke up. "So Dan, what brings you Manchester? I can tell you're not from here since, no offence, you sound like the Queen." 

Dan smiled as he ate a strawberry. "You're right, first of all. I'm from Berkshire. Queen's County. And I came here for the University's Geology and Astronomy course. You don't sound like a local either mind you." 

Phil grinned. "Ah, a space nerd, I'm more of a plant guy myself, but I do like the stars alot. I'm from Rawtenstall, it's about half an hour away, but I have an apartment a couple minutes from campus." He added, with a wink, causing Dan to choke on his spoon a bit, which in turn made Phil laugh. Dan looked at him while he was laughing and decided, whike he may look like he could kill you, Phil was the most harmless person he had ever met. 

"Alright then, Daniel From Berkshire, tell me about yourself. What music do you like? what's your favourite colour? What's your proudest moment?" Phil took a spoonful of his ice-cream, waiting for a responce. 

Dan paused to think for a second. "Well, first of all, I think we're as similar in music taste as we are in clothes." Dan motioned to his baby pink sweater, and Phil's black leather jacket. "Nice pins though, the magpies. Turns out they were right, in a sense." 

A confused looking Phil made Dan realise he had to expand more.

"Sorry, I forgot not everyone grows up with rhymes and fairytales. There's an old poem about magpies that my grandmother told me.  _One for Sorrow, T_ _wo for Joy, Three for a Girl, Four for a Boy, Five for Silver, Six for Gold, Seven for a secret never to be told, Eight for a Wish, Nine for a Kiss, Ten for Joyful Bliss."_ Dan recited. 

"Of course, that's the happy version. Some say it differently,  _One's Sorrow, Two's Mirth, Three's a Wedding, Four's a Birth, Five's a Christening, Six is a Dearth, Seven's Heaven, Eight is Hell, Nine is the Devil himself._ I don't know about you, but I like the first one better." Dan blushed, realising Phil probably didn't give a flying shit about  _Magpie Counting._ Dan mentally slapped himself. 

Phil interrupted his thoughts. "That's... really intresting actually. Aside from poems and stories, what else do you like? What about music?"

"I quite like Hozier currently, Keaton Hensen is also really good. Overall favourite though would have to be Muse though, Origin of Symmetry is a beaut." 

Phil licked his spoon. "Wouldn't have thought you for a Muse fan, and also The 2nd Law beats out Origin 10 to 1." He added. Dan noted that when Phil smiled, as he did alot, his tongue poked through his teeth. It was kinda cute. 

"Alright second question" Dan sighed, thinking it over. "My favourite colour would have to be either blueish green, or baby pink." 

Phil hummed. "Why blueish green?" 

"Dunno". Replied Dan. "S'pose I saw it recently and thought it was nice, must just be on my mind."

 " _It's_ _the colour of your eyes you big idiot"_ Dan thought, smiling into his dessert. "Alright, final question, then it's your turn. My proudest moment. Hmm" Dan took another spoon of his melting ice-cream and thought for a few seconds. "Probably the time I freaked out a paramedic with my vocabulary" Dan said, nonchalantly. 

Phil smiled, his tounge poking through his teeth again. "Alright, you got me, I'm intrigued. How did you freak out a paramedic?"

Dan put his tub to the side and put his elbows on the table. "Basically, I was in after school daycare, I think I was about 9 at the time, the main carer's kid fell over and cut his hand on some glass." 

"Ouch, poor kid" interrupted Phil, who was already completely emmersed in Dan's story. 

"Don't worry, he was alright, he couldn't feel it cause it was so deep or some shit like that, anyway, because the group was already much too big, she wasn't allowed leave to take him to hospital, because 15 kids are too much for just one other carer to watch." 

Phil nodded in response. "Yeah I get it, the whole teacher to student ratio thing." 

"Right" agreed Dan "So she calls an ambulance over so she can leave and help her son get the glass out of  his hand, and a paramedic can stay and help with the kids." 

Phil smiled "This is where you come in to scare the poor guy" 

"Yep" Dan replied, grinning. "So this nice paramedic is walking around, joking and helping kids with their homework. Now, I was doing maths, which I was quite good at. He comes over to me, and starts asking me if i need any help, I say that I'm fine, blah blah blah. He then asks me the renowned question 'What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Phil groaned. "That question gets asked  _way_ to much"  

"I know right? So my smart- ass 9 year old self decides to say that I want to be a paramedic. This guy starts acting like I just predicted the second fucking coming of Christ, going 'Ohh that's such big word for a kid your age!' In my head I'm like 'whatever mister, I have long division to do."

Dan looks up at Phil to check he's still interested in his story, to find Phil staring at him, completely immersed. "Well? Don't leave me hanging, Pastel Boy, what happened next?" 

Dan smiled. "So I stare at this medic, and completely stone-faced, no emotion whatsoever I simply reply "indubitably" and just carry on my work! Needless to say he quickly leaves me alone, and looks fucking terrified." Dan finishes grinning.

Phil erupts in laughter, which then caused Dan to start laughing too. Soon, both boys are struggling to breathe but smiling like Cheshire Cats. 

"Oh, gosh" Phil wheezes. "I hope I have a ripped six pack from laughing that hard." 

Dan just smiled. 

 

Shorty after, both boys get up to leave, laughing about how shit some of their teachers are. Dan learns that Phil once 'accidentally' set the Maths teacher's bin on fire by knocking a candle into it. "I was only in the class to ditch! It was just a coincidence he had failed me the week before" Phil protested. He also learned that beneath his leather jacket, Phil has  _many_ tattoos. "I'm a walking canvas" was all he had said. 

They walked back to the uni laughing like they had been friends for years, and not only just met a few hours prior. They were about 5 minutes away from campus when Phil announced they had reached his apartment.  He invited Dan in, but Dan had said had to call his parents and then study, which he knew was absolute bullshit. He just didn't want to outstay his welcome. He got Phil's phone number and promised to text him when he got to his doom, as it was only January and was getting dark quick. 

Walking back on his own, Dan recalled the past 15 hours. He had made a friend. Not just anyone as a friend, but  _Phil Lester. A big scary punk._ Even the bullies were scared of him. Dan knew why of course, but aside from his demeanor he was the the physical fucking embodiment of the Sun. But hey, maybe they would stop picking on him. Today had gone alot better than expected. Things only promised to get better from here. 

 

 

 


	2. The Start Of Something New (possibly)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all im like a day late whoops sorry anyways this deleted like 4 times so i got a bit fed up but yeah sorry this is so short ALSO IMP NOTICE - I have exams this all of this week and next week so i wont be posting much but then i have a week off so ill post then anyways im waffling enJOY

Phil lay on his bed and sighed. He was waiting for Dan to text him, telling him he had gotten back to his dorm. He looked up at the glow in the dark neon stars above him. If he slowed his breathing, he could hear his neighbours'  TV next door.

  _You're being silly._  He thought to himself.  _Stop acting like a teenage girl with a crush and just text him_! Phil sighed. He wanted to text Dan, to see if he had gotten back to his dorm, but wasn't sure if he should. They had agreed  _Dan_  would text  _him_.  _Why are you getting so riled up just text him! You've texted loads of people first what makes pastel boy any different?_

Phil groaned. What did make pastel boy any different? And why did Phil feel so comfortable with him?  _You've only just met him Romeo, chill out._ Finally, Phil phone beeped, and he answered it immediately.   
  
**1 New Message: Mum**  
  
Not Dan. Phil unlocked his phone.   
  
**Mum:** _Hi Phil, how's uni? I hope you're well. Just checking to see if you're still coming up for your birthday. Everyone misses you! If you're planning on bringing a friend up just let me know and I'll set an extra place. See you soon, Mum x._  
  
His birthday. Normally he wouldn't have bothered to do anything special for it, but since he hadn't seen his family in a while, he agreed to let them plan something.  . He was most excited to see his little sister, Lola. He hadn't been able to talk to her since her birthday last November. He missed their little talks.   
  
He texted his mum back, saying he was definitely coming up, and that he couldn't wait to see everyone. Phil's phone beeped again, and he smiled when he saw it was a message from Dan.   
  
  **Dan:** hey em, its dan, just asking what days suit u to study? also letting u know i wasnt killed going back to uni. 

  
Phil grinned. He could tell Dan was blushing on the other end of the line.   
  
**Phil:** Good 2 hear lol. Everyday after 5 works 4 me, although Saturdays are reserved 4 lie- ins and Mario Kart.   
  
**Dan:**  wow didnt kno u were a mario kart nerd. if ur one of those people who like rainbow road then im gonna have to rethink this whole study friendship thing.  
  
Phil laughed, and rolled over onto his stomach.   
  
**Phil:**  my favourite track is probaby sweet sweet canyon dont worry. even if it was rainbow road id still beat u, i am the mario kart king!!   
  
**Dan:**  pffft i call bullshit. also i would have tagged you for a more haunted mansion kinda guy. and i am the mario kart king stfu  
  
  
**Phil:** To defend my title, and to follow Mr. Greene's instructions of getting to know you better, ur coming over tomorrow for a mario kart battle. bring ice cause im gonna burn u with my drift skills Howell. be here at like 12 and bring snacks if im gonna beat u im gonna be eating popcorn while i do it.   
  
He hesitated.  _Would Dan really want to spend his Saturday with him?_  Fuck it. He sent the message, then turned off notifications.

A couple hours passed. Phil had left his phone in his bedroom and tried to distract himself by watching Bake Off,  but it made him hungry so he ordered pizza and watched some shitty indie movie about a rabid shark crocodile thing until he fell asleep.   
  
Phil woke up in pitch black, half fallen off the couch with a partially empty pizza box balanced on his lap. He sat up and rubbed his eyes and went to check his phone for the time, but then remembered he had left it in his room. He groaned and walked over to the kitchen putting the rest of the pizza in the fridge. He grabbed a glass of water and turned off the lights in the kitchen. He groggily placed the glass on his bed side table and went to charge his phone. When he plugged it in, he saw that he had a message from Dan. His heart would be a great audition for the Cirqe de Soleil at this rate.    
  
**Dan:**  will do. and im going to beat u. we should create a forfit for when u loose. i have tangfastics somewhere too ill bring them for sugar energy. this mario king is gonna sleep though so i can really beat ur ass. nite phil x  
  
_An x. He signed off with an x. Damn. You have to stop acting like a lost puppy! You barely know the guy! He probably doesn't even like you! Or guys for that matter._ Phil mentally facepalmed himself. What the hell has this boy done to him? 

He threw his phone on the floor in frustration. He wanted to make a guess that Dan wasn't straight, since he dressed like the physical embodiment of everything pink, cute and pastel, but looks don't tell everything. He knew that well enough. He sighed, and picked his phone up, plugging it in beside his dresser. He be lying if he said he wasn't looking forward to tomorrow, he could only hope Dan felt the same. 


	3. Car Races and Alcohol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL I AM SO FUCKIN SORRY HERES A REALLY LONG CHAPTER TO MAKE UP FOR IT

♩ _ **The Whoop-de-Dooper, Loop-de-Looper, Alley-Ooper Bounce! The Whoop-de-Dooper Loop-de-Looper, Alley-Ooper Bounce! The more you try the more you fly and that's what really counts, in the Whoop-de-Dooper Loop-de-Looper, Alley-Ooper Bounce ♩**_  
  
Dan groaned, and hit snooze on his alarm. His roommate, PJ, teased him for having a song from Winnie the Pooh as his alarm, but it never failed to make Dan smile. Soon, PJ was humming it when he was studying. He checked the time on his phone.  _Shit_! He was supposed to meet Phil in 10 minutes! He threw his duvet off himself and jumped out of bed, hitting his head off the top bunk. _Shit_!

He threw on a fresh pair of ripped blue jeans and his favourite white halterneck jumper. He quickly stuffed his feet into a pair of ankle high Doc Marten shoes and ran out the door, grabbing his wallet and keys on the way.  
  
-      -         -        -     -       -     -      -     -      -  
  
Phil paced up and down his living room. Dan was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago! _Where was he?_

 _"Maybe he just doest like you"_ whispered the nasty little voice in his head. "Shut up" Phil muttered. H _e wouldn't want to spend his Saturday with a loser like you, you're worthless_ "I _said_  shut up!" Phil yelled.  
His doorbell rang and Phil jumped. "See? I told you" he muttered.  
  
He ran his hand through his hair one more time and opened the door.  
"Hi!" said a breathless Dan. "Sorry I'm so late, my alarm went off late and I had to stop and get some things for our Mario  match, and I left my phone a-"  
Phil smiled, relieved Dan hadn't ditched him. "It's okay don't worry! Come in. You better have brought Tangfastics though, or I will have to kick you out" he joked.  
"Haha, don't worry I brought more than Tangfastics" Dan smirked. 

  
The boys walked into the kitchen. It was pretty, a bit on the small side. Black marble countertops glistened in the sunlight. Framed posters were hanging on every wall, some Dan recognised, some he had never seen before. He pointed to an album drawing with fish. "I wouldn't have taken you for a Cosmo Sheldrake fan. What's your favourite song?"  
Phil laughed again and walked over to the island counter. "Probably 'Come Along'. I have a tattoo on my forearm of one of the lyrics, y'know,  " _Cuddle up with a hesitant skeleton."_  
He pushed up the sleeve of his shirt and turned his arm towards Dan. Sure enough, starting at his elbow, was an outline tattoo two skeletons dancing, spinning each-other around, with the lyrics underneath.  
"Ooh, I like that one." Dan mused. "I don't think I could get a tattoo on my arm though, too public."  
Phil pushed his sleeve back down. "So, since you're a Cosmo fan yourself, what's your favourite song then?" He chuckled.  
"O-oh emmm... I'd say probably "Pelicans We" or ah, 'Come Along' " He shyly pointed to Phil's arm, and rubbed the back of his neck, laughing quietly. Phil leaned up against the countertop. "What's so funny, Pastel?"  
"Oh, nothing. It's just, well I have a similar tattoo, just of course, not on my arm. " Phil laughed loudly, and Dan noticed his tongue poking through his teeth again.  
"Well go on, show us then." Phil motioned to Dan's body.  
"Ah, well you see-." Phil put his hand out, motioning Dan to stop. "If it's on your arse I don't wanna see it _that_  badly. Maybe after the wine" He winked, and Dan spluttered.  
"It's not there, don't worry. It's below my collarbone. My mother would have killed me if it was visable with a shirt on."  
Phil walked over to his fridge, and got out two bottles of beer, nodding.

  
"Wait, you drink, right?" He said, putting the two bottles of Heineken the counter and getting the magnetic opener from the fridge. "Because when it comes to my liquids I have water and beer and that's it, so-"  
"No, no, it's alright I drink." Replied Dan, waving him off "I'm really not fussy when it comes to drink. It's the same hangover in the morning right?" Phil opened the cans, the crisp _pop_ of the cap reminding Dan of all those Coca-Cola ads on TV. He handed one to Dan. "And you have plenty of experience with hangovers I see?" Phil took a swig, chuckling.   
"Oh, no! Well not much." Dan drank a bit. "My roommate goes to alot of the parties on campus and comes home absolutely pissed.  So I have to take care of him."   
  
"Ahh, you have a party roomie. Tough." Phil set his drink on the counter and rubbed his hands together. "Alright then show me the Haribo money."   
  
Dan set the plastic Tesco bag he was holding on the counter. "All right, well since we've established we're obviously very competitive, I bought a looser punishment and winner prize" He said grandly, taking out a box of Tangfastics and a container of Toxic Waste sweets. "I also got Bean Boozled if you're too scared to take the Toxic Wastes" He added cheekily, poking Phil in the ribs with his finger.  
 "Oi!" Phil lauged. "I'll have you know I don't back down from anything. I was labeled the Dare King by the students." Dan smiled at the cheesy name and went back to the bag.  
"I thought you were the Mario Kart king." he smiled.   
  
After Dan finished pulling out all the snacks, the boys made their way to the sitting room. Dan sat down on the couch while Phil loaded up the TV.  
  
Dan looked around at the room, taking in the sights. There was a drawing of a boy on the mantlepiece. He was holding a balloon and looking up at two stars.  Dan could see it was drawn, not bought. The mantelpiece was littered with needles and thread and paintbrushes, which gave Dan and idea.   
"Did you draw that?" He asked cautiously.  
"Hm? Oh that, em.. yeah. I did."  Phil changed the subject. "So, what course would you like to be annihilated on?"  
  
-    -      -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -      -     -      -      
  
"I can't believe you, you're like a Mario God" Phil said in awe as Dan swiftly overtook the 1st racer and passed the finish-line for the tenth time. Dan threw his arms up in a smug victory dance.  
"I'm just too good." He said cockily, popping a Malteaser into his mouth.  
  
 "Alright" grimaced Phil, eating a Toxic Waste.  "Last race, All or Nothing." Dan laughed. "You can't just 'All or Nothing' it when you're gonna loose!" Phil looked over at Dan, managing to pull puppy dog eyes. " _Please?_ "  
  
Dan sighed. "Fine, but for the record I was winning and am being a good sportsman by letting you pull this shit."  
"The record duly notes" Phil smiled, his tounge poking through once more. "I win, you show me your tattoo, you win-"  
"I win and you give me a kiss" Dan finished triumphantly. Phil spluttered. "I'm not sure if I wanna win now" He said quietly.  
"What was that?" Dan inquiried.  
Phil nuged him. "I _s_ _aid_ I'm totally gonna win this and you're going down."

*   
  
Phil gave an exasperated sigh. "Well you might look small but you can't half yell. I can't believe you won! I totally had that race!! I hate blue shells."  
Dan stood up, smiling.  "Well, you win some, you loose some. I believe we had a deal?" Dan put out his palm. "I'd like a kiss please."  
A smile grew across Phil's face again.

 _"I know this"_ he thought. " _Dan you absolute nerd"._ Phil walked over to the mantlepiece, and picked up a thimble. Walking back to Dan, he started to hum. "Here. This is a kiss." He placed the kiss in Dan's hand. "You are an absolute nerd."  
Dan sauntered off smiling. "Pizza's here!"  
Phil ran his fingers through his hair _. What in God's name did he get himself into??_

  
Once Phil had set up the game, both boys had moved a bunch of cushions infront of the TV, sitting as close as they could to the screen, _and each other_ , but they would never admit that.

Phil got up and walked over to his coffee table, picking up his wallet. "It's no bother, since you bought the snacks."  
"Oh, it's okay, I dont want to be a nuisance. I've already taken up so much of your Saturday-" Phil put up a finger to silence him. "Dan?"  
"Yes?"  
"Shut up."  
  
  
 


End file.
